Cornell's biggest problem

If there's one thing I hate about Cornell it's Ithaca. Yeah that's right, fuck Ithaca. I know it's cute, with the Commons and the little restaurants and the hippie scene. How many places can you visit that have a cult-owned coffee shop next door to a TV-laden sports bar? Yes, Ithaca is home to a glut of brainpower and some really pretty gorges but you know what? Still sucks.

First of all, last call at the bars is at fucking 1:00 a.m. When I was in The City last week I was out till 3:00a.m. on a damn Wednesday - still made it to class on that Thursday too. It's just ridiculous that last call would be so early. Don't they know how dangerous it is to take 21 shots between midnight and 1am on your 21st birthday? It's just irresponsible of the powers that be to make that right of passage so perilous.

Second of all, last call at the bars is at fucking 1:00 a.m. I know that was my first point, but it has come to my attention that it's my only point. How am I supposed to be a true senior, in the spirit of Leo, when I have to leave the bars at 1? What if I was just getting into my zone? Relocating can really ruin the flow, specifically of alcohol into me.

I guess what I'm getting at is that Ithaca needs to loosen up. With the highest hippie to regular person ratio this side of the San Andreas fault line I think it's absurd that Ithaca is so big on being The Man when it comes to college students getting drunk. I don't mean to threaten, but if last call isn't moved back to at least 4:00a.m. I'm leaving Ithaca on, say, May 27th. You can quote me on that.