Letter to the Editor

Dear Editor,

I am writing in order to express my extreme dismay in regards to the Cornell University Snow Day that took place on Wednesday, February 14th. It was our first snow day in ten years and I sincerely hope, our last.

Listen, Cornell, my parents pay a lot of money for me to come here, and I am positive that they do not want that money going towards a day of drunken debauchery in the name of snow.

Sure, there was an average of ten car accidents per minute. Sure, we lost four students in the morning hours in a snowdrift. Sure, the mayor sent emails to all the students notifying us of a “snow emergency”. But, hell, what does the mayor know? I mean, honestly, she is a woman. Why am I not surprised that she would be afraid of a little snow?

The bottom line is none of those minor incidents warrant a snow day in my book. If you walk outside and your head is above ground, you better be able to get your ass to class. The sad part is once we made it to 12:04pm, I felt proud, convinced the administration shared the same standards I did and was going to pull through. But noooo, effective 12:05pm, the university closed—and with it, the chapter in my life in which I had any respect for this establishment.

Students rejoiced at the idea and in response, went to various fraternities and drank themselves into oblivion. Considering it was also Valentine’s Day, I do not think I would be wrong in predicting that the rate of sexually transmitted diseases on campus doubled on that fateful Wednesday.

To end this letter, I have a message to send to Cornell—don’t look at me if you see a lot of pre-med girls and hotelies with bumps in their stomachs forming in say, five months. You only have yourself to blame.

Sincerely,

Distressed and Undersexed