Ithaca Students Embrace Ambiguous Sexuality

ITHACA STUDENTS EMBRACE AMBIGUOUS SEXUALITY

Cornell University students are using the months of January and February to prove that they are ahead of their peers in more areas then aeronauticalphysics-electrichemical engineering. In a selfless act of protest against vanity, students throughout the university are using this time to make it extremely difficult to judge the sexuality of individual students walking around campus. Ambiguously male/female student Alex Williams claims, “My oversized black jacket, scarf, gloves, hat, ski mask, and L.L Bean ‘oatmeal’ colored long johns make it hard to tell if I’m a girl or a boy. This is very liberating for me, and allows me to walk a mile in the hiking boots of those fashion losers the rest of the year. I’m happy to say that I feel sympathy and pity for them, and in the spring if I pass one in Olin Café, I probably won’t cut ahead of them in line.”

Even top officials, like the Cornell director of student diversity, are excited about Cornell student’s ability to relate to those less fortunate. “These students, the walking promoters of ambiguous sexuality, are so much better then those red ‘Diversity Arches’ we put up last year,” says the director. “Plus, people are much less likely to draw graffiti all over each other’s diversity efforts. We consider this the crowing achievement of Cornell’s diversity program, and feel it can be attributed 100% to the diversity training freshman receive upon arrival.”

Sources disclose that the university will continue this diversity celebration annually, or “at least until global warming really hits.”