Are You a "Senior" or a Senior?

While Lenny Bruce’s conversation is peppered with “the jargon of the hipster,” my language is infused with “the jargon of the undergraduate.”

Literally, the term “underclassman” pertains to freshmen and sophomores, and “senior” pertains to - well - seniors. But that is not the way I use those words. A “senior” doesn’t have to be in his or her fourth year.
To me, if you live in a dorm, you’re underclassman – even if it’s your fifth year of college. If you have a special spot in the library, you’re underclassman. Having a special spot at the bar, however, makes you senior, even if you’re only nineteen years old.
If you’re thinking about all the crazy things you can do before you graduate, you’re senior. Thinking about all the classes you can take before you graduate? Underclassman.
If you are enrolled in “Computational Physics,” you’re probably underclassman, but if it’s “Physics of the Heaves & Earths” that you’ve enrolled in but never attended, then you’re probably senior. If you’re taking it pass/fail, you’re definitely senior... especially if you never bought the book. Moreover, if you’re taking “Wines” and “Club Management” in the same semester, you are unquestionably senior.
Milwaukee’s Best is underclassman. Yeungling is senior. Gin and tonic is even more senior. Tipsy is an underclassman word. Blackout is senior… especially if it’s five days a week.
If Friday is the last day of your week, you’re underclassman. If it’s (at least) the first day of your weekend, you’re senior.
Never been to Wegman’s? Underclassman. Go there every week? Senior… or you have memory loss and should seek medical attention.

Most importantly, everyone graduating in May should at some point enjoy Cornell like a true “senior.” Bottoms up!