Bush Views Army’s Loss as a Win, Consequently Summons More Troops

BUSH VIEWS ARMY’S LOSS AS A WIN, CONSEQUENTLY SUMMONS MORE TROOPS

WASHINGTON DC – In a White House press conference this morning, President Bush rejected the idea that the Army women’s softball team was swept by the Kennesaw State Owls – first 16-1, then 8-2.

President Bush accused the “liberal media” of trying to twist the lopsided scores to appear to be losses. He added that, in his opinion, losing 16 to 1 is “a great big W.” “In fact,” he said, “if the Army women’s softball team lost, then the terrorists have already won!”

Bush went on to declare the game to be a “mission accomplished” by the “those softball-playin’ hotties.” He added that the team successfully followed his advice of “let’s roll… all over the Kennesaw State Owls women’s softball team.”

The President made it clear that he would personally see to it that all necessary steps would be taken to ensure that “the Patriot Act would allow for wire-tapping of all supporters of the Kennesaw State women’s softball team to ensure that they realize who the true victors were.”

Moreover, President Bush said that in their next game against the Georgia State Panthers, there would be a troop insurgence, and that 1,000 heavily armored soldiers would be sent in to suppress the “ferocious Lady Panthers’ infield and guarantee Black Knight victory.” Army reserves are currently being called in for softball duty training.

Additionally, Lady Panthers' All-Region pitcher, Ashley Cowan, was sent to Guantanamo Bay for interrogation.