Local Man Charged With Chili Mishap

Ithaca, NY - After all the ticket stubs had been collected and trash cans filed with styrofoam bowls and plastic spoons had been emptied, one man sat expressionless at the far end of the snow-filled Commons. After dolling out portions of his homemade chili to hungry patrons all afternoon, Mr. Jacob Harson, 43, was exposed for using dog food rather than ground meat when preparing his product.

"I must have served a hundred, no, two hundred bowls of that stuff today," said the despondent Harson, an Ithaca local for over 21 years. "People kept coming back for more, saying that my chili had a special something about it that made it so delicious."

While loading his car early Saturday morning, Harson grabbed a final case of what he believed to be ground chop meat from his basement. With no major markings to differentiate the dog food from the taco meet, Harson loaded his first batch of chili with the foreign feed.

"At first it was by mistake," Harson admitted. "But when I went to make a second batch, I saw the empty can in the trash and realized what had happened. But everybody seemed to enjoy it so much, I figured what they didn't know wouldn't kill them. Ignorance is bliss, right?"

Harson continued to serve his chili with dog meat for the remainder of the afternoon, assuming nobody would wise up to his "secret" ingredient. The proud vendor continued serving his tainted product throughout the afternoon, accepting praise and congratulations from his many seemingly satisfied customers.

It wasn't until the end of the day that an official from the festival approached Harson as he was folding his tent up and preparing to go home. The woman asked him what meat he had used in his chili, and when unable to come up with a response, she reached behind her and pulled out an empty can of "Meaty Chow Down Dog Food."

"She said she found a can lying next to my tent earlier in the day," Harson said. "She must have known the whole time, but didn't want to embarrass me in front of my family and friends who had come out in support."

After admitting what had happened, Harson was left to contemplate his deceptive actions. His punishment is pending but it seems fair to assume that Harson will not be allowed to set up shop come next year. Aside from that, Harson's fate is still unknown.

"I just hope they don't make me eat a batch of my own stuff as punishment," Harson said. "I've had bad experiences in the past when it comes to eating dog food. Long story, don't ask."