New Rule

New Rule: Asian-Americans need to stop being passive aggressive. For once, I want to piss off my housemate and have him tell me so, instead of storming around the house, looking sullen and glowering at everything that moves. True, passive aggressiveness is a time honored Asian tradition - our ancestors are probably still slyly undercutting each other and inwardly fuming, wherever they are, but let's be real: you're not as Asian as you pretend to be. If you'd like to hang onto that cultural facade, here are some annoying Asian stereotypes that are mildly acceptable to retain: social drinking of bubble tea, loudly pretending to fight for the check at restaurants, congregating in large groups in the middle of any sidewalk or thruway, and loving cute Korean and Japanese cultural icons such as Hello Kitty, Keropi, and Paul Frank (this last stereotype exception does not apply for guys - publicly professing a love for said cute things is nothing but a sad and desperate attempt to come across to girls as a sweet and sensitive guy). But for the sake of the "American" in your cultural identity, the parts of you that aren't laughably trite and stereotypically Asian, I want you to elbow me in the eye the next time I step on your toes while you and your friends block the sidewalk in front of the bubble tea house. Seriously, do it. It might seem a little extreme, as though the punishment doesn't fit the crime; but then again, you probably have a lot of pent up aggression that you need to catch up on relieving in a healthy manner.