No Alien Pigs of Mass Destruction After All

Last thursday, convinced that several hundred thousand alien life-forms resembling the popular children's character Piglet were invading his Texas ranch, President Bush sent United States Ambassador Joseph Wilson to his beloved home to investigate. Although both the previous Ambassador, the chief of ranch security and Bush's own great-uncle (who was staying at the ranch at the time) had confirmed that alien Piglets were not in fact anywhere to be seen, the president remained unconvinced, certain that the run down tree-houses out back were hiding the Piglets from view.

Upon his return Saturday Ambassador Wilson handed in a 400 page report detailing all he had observed on the president's ranch. His conclusion: there were no Piglets.

But even this could not dissuade the President. In the State of the Union address last night Bush fired up his followers with his list of evidence. Large amounts of honey had been received at the ranch from the home of Winnie P (coincidentally, also the name of the beekeeper down the road), a fellow with initials C.R. (clearly standing for Christopher Robin) had come to call, though he claimed to be selling Tupperware, and the broken down tree houses were undoubtedly secret nuclear labs being used to construct the Piglets' weapons of mass destruction.

Determined to strike before the Piglets unleashed their weapons, President Bush (at the behest of political writer Ann Coulter and personal advisor, Karl Rove) ordered an airstrike on his own beloved Texas Ranch.

After the extensive search of the 10 mile blast radius that took place this morning, officials decided that the Piglets had never been there. Oops! Better luck next time, Mr. President.